Four Birthdays and a Wedding

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To say that this weekend was busy is an understatement. I will admit to some shock when I was looking at my trusty google calendar and found it a mess of color blocks. In addition to it being the last week of school with 2 early release days, we had committed to attending 4 birthday parties and a wedding.

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what a difference a schoolyear makes!

There was a time when I would not have attended any of these events. When even just being around people was unpleasant and having to interact, painfully excruciating. I see our (disclaimer: I say “our” when it is really Katie’s social life that is rockin’) busy social life as an indication of my improved mental health and a return to “normalcy”. These days, when I tell people, “I’m back!” I really mean it and I feel great!

Besides, who doesn’t love birthday parties? The kids have fun and get tired. There is cake and a chance of excellent free food. Some parties (my favorite kind) even save me from having to cook a meal. Between mom’s group/baby playgroup friends, a church community that is ever expanding, and school, there are a lot of birthdays to celebrate. I wouldn’t say I recommend being this busy every weekend but then again, the laundry can be folded some other time. After all, it has already been sitting on Katie’s bed for more than a month.

We were also privileged to be invited to my ex-brother-in-law’s very intimate, simple yet classy and heartfelt wedding. Because of the deception I underwent at the hands of my ex-husband, I felt I could not trust any of his family. Even worse, I was afraid they would try and take Katie away from me. Pat and Ally were the first ones to reach out, and kept trying to include us when I gave excuses like “too busy”, “too far”, “not a good time” or even when I simply ignored the invitation. They didn’t give up on someday having a relationship not only with Katie, but also with me. And you know what? Persistence pays off and thanks to them, Katie will know that side of her family. Which is in part why I was determined to swallow the awkwardness, embrace the weird and be part of their special day.

But of course I employed the help of my Fairy Gothmother to be extra pretty 🙂
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Doing the right thing is really really hard. I only hope one day Katie will see that I did this for her: so she won’t be wondering about the other side of her family and she can form her own opinions about and relationships with them.
When I see her face, I am glad I didn’t take away moments like this no matter what I feel.

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6

For her 6th birthday, my daughter had 2 requests. The first one was “Please pick me up from school and take me to the beach

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Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Walden Pond was the nearest “beach” and katie spent a good afternoon splashing and playing with sand. Her teachers thought it was a great way to spend a birthday. Her classmates, in a sugar high from Keyks cupcakes, all wanted to come along.

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The second request: “I want to have dinner with my whole family” was a bit more tricky.

Katie’s father and I separated when she was a little more than a year old. At that time I didn’t think I wanted us to have anything to do with him or his family ever again. But if years of therapy has taught me anything, it is this: there are no ex-parents. No matter what happened between us, if she wanted to she would be free to get to know him and his side of her genetic make up.

My friends think this is heroic of me but let me tell you, it ain’t heroic at all. It is AWKWARD and WEIRD. But it has only gotten less so over time. And hey, single moms need all the help they can get– this at least was a dinner that I didn’t have to pay for or cook.
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the birthday girl with her Boston family

Happy 6th birthday to my light and joy!
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